Recycle!

In the absence of any sort of city recycling service, Mike demonstrates his routine of walking his discarded recyclables to Target - one of the few places that offers any semblance of recycling disposal.

Good morning, this is Mike George coming at you live on tape from beautiful Old Alexandria, Louisiana, right here at the Alexandria Mall. I have to say, I love this weather; this gorgeous fog is just serene. I have to flip the camera manually to show you because Apple doesn’t make basic functions easy, but just look at that view.

Now, for the veterans of the show, you know I hate our culture of car dependency. My dad was a mechanic, so I don’t hate cars themselves, but as George W. Bush once said, America is addicted to oil—and those were some of the truest words ever spoken.

I wasn't even trying to play "Mr. Environmentalist" this Monday morning, but I’ve already picked up 3 pieces of discarded recyclable materials on the side of the road. I’ve got the voice of Greta Thunberg in my head—that girl who rightfully yells at the UN for turning our world into a giant trash dump. One of these items is my own coffee cup, but I almost wish the Popeyes wrapper was mine too, because Lord knows I love that chicken.

I’m heading over to Target, because I already gave Albertsons a scolding for not offering a recycling service. The enviable thing about going to Target with zero money is that it’s the only way I can go in there without buying a bunch of useless shit I don't need. I have no idea if Target actually recycles this stuff—they might just dump it in the trash like Starbucks for all I know—but that’s not my problem.

It’s not even 8 A.M. yet, and I have a safety note for everyone on the road: turn on your goddamn headlights! People are driving around on their phones, not paying attention to the fact they are piloting 6,000-pound vehicles. I’m on my phone too, sure, but at least I’m a pedestrian. Please, try not to run over any pedestrians while I'm out here.

If you are dreading your Monday, just think of me; the one thing I have going for me right now is that not having a job makes my Mondays quite lovely. And if you ever feel down on your luck, just thank God you aren’t Kevin McCarthy. Watching that 15-vote Speaker of the House disaster was a total disgrace.

I’m at the Target now, so I’ll leave you with this: take care of yourselves and take care of somebody else. And if you’re lucky, maybe even take care of somebody else’s trash for them.