Mike and Matt drive a rural stretch of I-15 in Utah, joking about the 'amber waves of grain' — actually grass, and from America the Beautiful. After a cold, rainy Salt Lake morning fixing a flatbed tarp, they banter with commenters before signing off for a Friday dinner at Denny's.
Good evening, this is Mike George here along with—ah, just kidding, it's just Matthew! We are coming at you live from somewhere in Utah. A beautiful section of Utah, actually. Got a lot of those amber-colored grains that they talk about all the time in the Star-Spangled Banner. What is it, "amber waves of grain"?
Matt:
You mean "America the Beautiful"?
Mike:
I thought that was in the Star-Spangled Banner! "Amber waves of grain"—oh, it's not? "America the Beautiful"? Oh shoot, well, going to have to take away my citizenship card on that, I guess, to quote me!
So yeah, it's a nice day. The weather has improved significantly from this morning. Really last night and this morning up in Salt Lake City, it was pretty damn cold. It was about, I don't know, mid-40s Fahrenheit with rain and a lot of wind, which kind of sucked because we had to fix the tarp that was on the truck last night for a flatbed load. But yeah, it's beautiful in this particular part. You can see some clouds forming over the mountains there. You can also see a lot of bugshit on this windshield.
Matt:
It's not bugshit, it's just bugs!
Mike:
Bugs that have been turned into shit! Hey, that's what happens—you can either be the bug or the windshield, you know! So we're going along a section of Utah that's pretty rural, which I'm actually kind of surprised that we have service here to be honest, or I might have just jinxed ourselves.
Oh my god, we have a lot of comments so far! Goodness, that's great because I didn't have a lot to talk about today, so you guys can help fill up some dead air time here. Let me see, start from the beginning and when you get to the end, stop!
Zach B says, "That's a pretty sight." It is! Utah is probably one of the most beautiful states I think that I've really had a chance to explore.
Matt:
I have to say Oregon. Oregon's more beautiful.
Mike:
I mean, this whole area is just nestled between two mountain ranges, and it is true, Michael is pretty beautiful!
Matt:
All right, dude!
Mike:
Oh, thank you! And Jim Hartman has clarified that that is not in fact grain. Thank you for that! That would be a lot of grain, I guess. We would be able to feed millions with all that. It just looks like dead grass, right?
Matt:
Dead grass, right. That's the shit that starts wildfires.
Mike:
Adrian Mois says, "It's so flat." It is not even that flat! Is it flat? Are you looking at the same thing we are? People have been saying that this is flat. It is not flat at all! It's flat for maybe a few kilometers or so, but there's obviously mountains that way, and mountains that way, and mountains that way! This is quite topologically interesting, I think, a lot more so than Ohio or hell, even Quebec for that matter.
Mike:
See who else... Hi Jessica! Jessica makes some great videos. She does Facebook Live a lot, and she sells beauty products and does a nice presentation on some interesting makeup products. Actually, I should probably look into some of that stuff for my own skin, you know, for face moisturizing and all that kind of stuff. I'm starting to get old; I've got to start taking care of my face and putting all that expensive cream on.
Matt:
You should have started that sooner, then you'd look as beautiful as a man.
Mike:
See, Matthew here is teaching me how to take care of myself a little bit better—how to be a proper gay!
Matt:
Not even that, it's just how to properly take care of yourself and pamper yourself. You've got to work hard, you've got to play even harder, right?
Mike:
Right, because then it's game on! Oh, horses! Horses! Those horses look like they needed some more food.
Matt:
Speaking of food, we have some Panda Express down there kind of waiting to be eaten.
Mike:
George Express! No, I guess I have kind of fake Asian food right now. I'm like DL Asian—just say DL Asian!
Matt:
Down low! I can't even right now!
Mike:
Jim says that it's dark here. Oh yeah, I guess in Ohio it's probably two hours later than this. They're on Eastern Time, we're on Mountain Time. What time is it here now? I can't see my phone.
Matt:
It is 6:40 pm.
Mike:
18:40, okay, so it's 20:40 out there. You guys probably just had your sunset not that long ago. Plus, the days are starting to get shorter now that it's autumn. This little tapestry of what I thought was grain provides some nice color, so yay for that! Daniela says, "Hi Matt." Daniela, I miss you! Katie, I love you so much!
Mike:
Somebody actually replied with the time, that was really cute. You guys are on top of it, very vocal today! We love that, audience participation is always appreciated because it makes it fun for y'all and for us. We need shit to talk about, stuff that's not Rachel Maddow or NPR related or related to each other, so we've got to spice up the conversation a little bit and you guys are definitely helping. Alan Draper just joined, he says, "Hi men!" Hello, where are you reaching us from today? Where are you watching from? It should be a multiple choice question: A) Scandals, B) Silverado, or C) Both?
Matt:
Well, darling, we live in the virtual age. It can be all kinds of places at once, right?
Mike:
I'm going to go with no on that one. It could be C) At home, but it's Friday night! Why are all you bitches on Facebook tonight?
Matt:
Because we're important, okay? That's true, hello!
Mike:
We do appreciate you sharing your Friday night with us, especially since it doesn't look like we're going to have much of a Friday night. We're not going to make it to Salt Lake City tonight as originally planned; I think we're only going to make it as far north as Nephi, Utah. Nephi, Utah—look it up on Google, I'm sure it's a cute little town. I forget if Nephi had a restaurant...
Matt:
I think it's just a standard Flying J with maybe a Denny's inside, right?
Mike: I don't even know. Sorry, you said Flying J and I thought of handy—a hand job! Oh, oh, oh, that Flying J! I see. How come that never came up in all the other bazillion times that we've stopped at a Flying J?
Matt:
I think it's just where my mind is today. It was after you were going like this with the straps, going, "Oh, my poor wrists!"
Mike:
Uh-huh, yeah! Alan's actually on the MAX—yay for public transportation! Did you already come back from Vegas, Alan? Alan was supposed to be in Vegas this weekend...
Matt:
He might be on the MAX coming to or from the airport.
Mike:
He must be on the Red Line then! The Red Line special, put some TLC on right now boys and girls, it's time for the Red Line Special! That has happened in this truck—the Red Light Special has definitely occurred in this truck on multiple occasions.
Matt:
Well, no, not only that, but the red lights came on, this bitch put on Red Light Special, and then that one got a good lap dance!
Mike:
It was a fabulous lap dance! Because after all, you've got to keep them happy, you know! Alan's actually on the Orange Line and he's going to be in Vegas next weekend.
Show us some love, give us some love! Michelle Drims says, "Oh Michelle, I love you, oh my god I miss you!" Every single time I drink a Dr Pepper I think of you! And Daniela Cruz—mamacita, I'm going to need Google Translate for that! Speaking of Google Translate, I've been using Google Translate in order to send messages to my aunt on this app called Line, which is kind of like Skype or Facebook Messenger. My mother has an old-school flip phone, so I have to message my aunt to tell my mom to call me back, and my aunt doesn't speak English. So I've figured out how to send text messages in Mandarin by copying and pasting from Google Translate after it bastardized my English into Mandarin.
Matt:
And what did she say?
Mike:
She bought it! She was like, "Oh, you're learning Chinese, your Chinese is getting so much better!" I didn't have the heart to tell her, "No, it's just Google." But you know, in a few years I could probably just implant a chip from Google Translate and start spouting off really badly translated Mandarin out of my lips! The future is now.
Mike:
I actually have some exciting news: I'm getting some play on job interviews! I had my first response back—I'll be interviewing with the US Army Corps of Engineers out of their office in Portland. They oversee the engineering for the dams along the Columbia River. Damn, damn, damn, boy!
Mike:
We were just talking about how when we reach these lapses in reception and connectivity, Matt and I just shut down and don't talk to each other, and it turns into this awkward silence because we're relaxing ourselves for y'all.
Matt:
See, for me, I don't want to get into a conversation with my boyfriend and talk about personal shit, and then all of a sudden you guys come back on and we're like, "Oh hey."
Mike:
But that's kind of what makes it exciting, because you never know! You've got to tune in to hear all the dirty little details that aren't edited out later on Facebook. So the Army Corps of Engineers called me back on Wednesday and originally wanted me to interview on Friday morning! I was like, "Oh my god, I need to get a flight from Salt Lake City to Portland and arrange all the logistics." Fortunately, they sided with reason and decided to move the interview to next Thursday. That gives me time and a little breathing room to enjoy Portland, go shopping for interview clothes, get a haircut, and shave.
Matt:
I feel that it would be highly professional if Michael changed his nail color for his interview.
Manicures, Polyamory, & Infrastructure Discussions
Mike:
This is the nail color—I think it's a neutral tone, I don't think it's that bad, babe. We picked this color with Versa Twin's help...
Matt:
Please use his fucking handle! Because you couldn't remember his name!
Mike:
Benjamin! So Benjamin and I were having a conversation about that. I've done many firsts with Michael—getting him his first pedicure and now his first manicure. The whole reasoning behind the polish was to help him quit biting his damn nails, which has worked so far!
Mike:
Yes, now I only bite the skin around the nails! Leah, speaking of Leah, I totally remembered something that we got for her—it's a small tchotchke. Leah was saying that the Duolingo app is actually a language learning tutorial, so thanks for that, you dumb bug! I'm talking to the driver, not my boyfriend, just for clarification! We're in a rural section of road, there's no traffic here, no reason for people to be rude.
Mike:
Polyamory and all that—in the queer universe, I have all the respect for folks that can manage a true polyamorous relationship with the time and emotional management behind that, but Lord, I couldn't do it! The best I can do is one partner, and that is this boy here.
Matt:
Aww, thanks, babe.
Mike:
I envision our relationship breaking a bit out of the mold of a typical two-person exclusive relationship, but we have a lot of lovely people in our lives and there's no reason to exclude people from the love we have for each other. Michelle Craig suggested a lap dance for all!
Matt:
I can't drive and give a lap dance at the same time, and this motherfucker is not going to give me a lap dance right now, or I won't be able to see and it'll be the last Facebook posting ever from either one of us!
Mike:
Michelle, I'll give you your own private show next time I see you! Michelle, Leah says I have to change the nail color. Maybe I can just wear gloves!
Matt:
That was his suggestion—that he should wear gloves. As somebody who's conducted many interviews, that was just my suggestion, but we're seeing Benjamin on Sunday, so maybe you can get a new color.
Mike:
It would be really badass to work on the dams. I loved working in transmission at AEP, but it would be so much more fun to work on the generators and the dam sites themselves, not just on wires and transformers.
The Army Corps of Engineers has been in the news lately for flood control concerns from natural disasters. In Puerto Rico, there's a dam on the verge of failing, so our thoughts and prayers go out to the people in Puerto Rico where 100% of their power grid is down. In renewable energy, there's a concept called microgrids and distributed generation—an ad-hoc means of powering a grid locally rather than relying on big centralized power plants. It reminds me of how the internet evolved—media used to come from a centralized source like the nightly news, whereas now anyone can upload content and it spreads virally. It would be neat if out of the ashes of the Puerto Rican grid, they can develop new technologies and grant people a stronger electrical grid. Our thoughts and prayers are also with Mexico City after the earthquake.
Mike:
Amaya Sexton! Amaya, I love you so much! I wish I could bring a little bit of you with me on the road. Amaya performed at Mask back when I lived in Dayton around 2008 or 2009. Hope Sexton was the first drag queen I ever saw, back in my straight Republican days at Wright State before I came upon reason! Conservative itself has been hijacked by crazy fuckwads. Literal conservatism would mean conserving our planet and the environment. Thumbs up for Amaya Sexton, everybody!
Mike:
We've been driving up and down this I-15 corridor in Utah between Salt Lake City and St. George. Look at this view out here with the setting sun projecting shadows and lighting effects on the mountains ahead of us! Utah is a land of surprises. We spent last weekend in Salt Lake City and we're on our way up for another fabulous weekend where Matthew is getting a manicure and pedicure.
Matt:
Someone needs to figure out if this truck is going to merge or not. We're going 50 mph, the speed limit is 80 mph, and this guy has freaking antlers in the back!
Mike:
The speed limit is 80, yet traffic moves around 65. Matthew, what speed are we averaging?
Matt:
I can only go up to 62 mph!
Mike:
We're basically running Home Depot loads up and down I-15 between Salt Lake City/Ogden and St. George. It takes about a day to do the round trip including loading, unloading, and tarping. Michelle Craig is turning 50 next Friday! Happy upcoming birthday to Michelle! We haven't sung on Facebook Live yet because Matthew is afraid Facebook will take down our video for copyright, so you'll have to come out to karaoke with us.
David Baker is having sushi at Thai 9 in Dayton, Ohio. I love Thai 9! Get some Pad Kee Mao, the spicy drunken noodles. Dakota Conduct just joined from Chicago! Dakota's photos look increasingly glamorous.
People out here take these mountains for granted. I hope I get to see a volcanic eruption from a safe distance someday—is Mount Hood extinct or dormant?
Matt:
Dormant. You and your natural disasters!
Mike:
Leah says her life goal is to live through as many natural disasters as she can because she grew up with tornadoes. Bonita Hilson is watching—Big Bonnie! She works in social services in Steubenville, Jefferson County, Ohio, doing the Lord's work.
Matt:
When we're in Colorado, I'm taking Michael to Casa Bonita so he can experience that!
Mike:
Oh, Casa Bonita is a restaurant! I thought Bonita was your mom's name! I kept thinking you were talking about your mom!
We're approaching the Flying J in Nephi, Utah, where we'll be staying next to the Denny's. Live from Nephi, Utah, this has been Mike George and Matthew Gutierrez! Have an awesome Friday night, be good to each other, talk to you later, bye!
