The Conversation
Mike reflects on his recent struggles, questioning whether his "sabbatical" has turned into a fool’s errand.
Oh hello, this is Mike George coming at you. I just caught myself doing one of my typical cliches — I’ve been reviewing my old lives to refine my stage presence, and I noticed I do this little sigh right after the introduction every single time. It’s funny watching yourself; I used to hate it, but after making so many lousy ones, I’ve stopped giving a f***. Honestly, compared to what passes for entertainment on TikTok in 2024, I think I produce some pretty decent quality content!
But let’s get into “The Conversation,” which is a chance for some real candor.
To be honest, I’m exhausted from failing at everything I’ve tried with my side hustles and Crimson Rouge. I left my last engineering job to build a foundation for this organization, and now I’m looking at the calendar realizing how long it’s been since I’ve had a "real" job. I’m starting to question on a fundamental level if all this sacrifice was just a big giant waste of time.
I feel like 90% of the time I’m just talking to the void. I wonder if I’m divorced from reality or delusional for thinking I’m good at this. Even my best friends looked at Crimson Rouge as a joke, and it continues to confound and upset me why nobody took it seriously. This past year of my "sabbatical" has been focused on solidifying a cohesive mission for Crimson Rouge Studios, trying to create a social media-esque platform for the queer community and local neighborhoods to share content.
I’ve spent about six years of my life on this—that’s a third of my adult life—at the sacrifice of a lucrative engineering career. My goal wasn't just to be an engineer behind a desk; I wanted to make an impact. While the electric industry has done a great job "greening the grid," I believe the next "low-hanging fruit" is transportation. However, I do not accept electric cars as a magic bullet for climate change; they don't solve wasteful land use or the isolation of Suburbia. That is why I’m looking laterally at transit agencies like COTA.
On a personal note, since returning to Columbus in August, I’ve been disappointed. Friends who urged me to move back have been radio silent. The worst part of being homeless isn't the lack of a roof; it’s the loneliness. When I first became homeless in Portland, I didn't feel shame—I actually had this "socioeconomic Jesus" complex, where I felt like a high-skilled engineer descending from a "palace in the sky" to walk among the people. But after a year of this, I’m hitting a break-even point where I can no longer identify as a "homeless tourist". I’m becoming a "plebeian" as a matter of identity, and I didn't anticipate that.
[Mike pauses to look at the screen, frustrated by the lack of engagement.]
Facebook sucks. I’m going to shut up and enjoy the silence for a minute to challenge you to contribute, because this isn't a "conversation" if it's just me being hard on myself.
[Mike attempts to play music from Spotify, which repeatedly cuts out.]
I’m tempting "Copyright Karen" here with some music, but Facebook keeps stopping it. Oh, Wesley! Thank you for commenting. Can you actually hear me? I need a sanity check because I might just be mouthing words to the void.
Wesley (via comments): [Indicates he can hear Mike but mentions "weird noises."].
Mike George: Probably noises from the laptop mic because these $200 AirPods are doing nothing. Wesley says the captions are working, so that’s good. He also mentioned I cuss too much—that’s excellent feedback, I really need to work on those idiosyncrasies.
Anyway, I can’t figure out how to screen share on this interface without ending the broadcast. Wesley, I know you’ve got things to do, but I’m going to close this out and move to Studio 1 on the Transverse website. Until next time, Facebook land—take care of yourselves and take care of somebody else.
[SCENE END]
