Our Inner Saboteur
We are almost always our worst enemy. We tend to obsess over our imperfections and shortcomings, and we tend to overhype the accolades of others.
To those growing up in small towns or otherwise overshadowed places, know that even the most glamorous and affluent places in America are filled with people wanting to leave.
Mike begins by noting that this will likely be his last Facebook Live from Crimson House in Alexandria. He reflects on a failed "Telethon of desperation" intended to raise funds, which led him to realize that his connections in the city were largely superficial, having met most people through Grindr. He expresses regret for spending six months attempting to build an organization in a place where he lacked genuine connection, characterizing the endeavor as a potential "waste of time".
The Reality of "Crimson Rouge Studios"
George discusses the nature of his non-profit, Crimson Rouge Studios, and its "pseudo homeless shelter". He addresses critics who call the organization "fake," questioning what truly differentiates a real organization from a fake one in an era of algorithms and resumes. While he admits to "over-hyping" his impact to attract sponsors—likening it to embellishing a resume—he concludes that providing even a "tiny little bit of help" to the community is better than no help at all.
Fear of AI and the Value of Human "Fuck-ups"
A significant portion of the reflection centers on the evolution of technology and human connection:
The AI Threat: George expresses a "chilling" fear that AI bots on Grindr will eventually become more engaging than real people, who he describes as often being unable to hold a conversation.
Refinement vs. Humanity: He contrasts machine learning's "merciless refinements" and optimization with human "fuck-ups". To him, these human mistakes provide comfort and hope because they represent a shared humanity that refuses the "ruthlessness" of perfect algorithms.
The "Inner Saboteur" and the "Big Fish" Complex
George analyzes his own mindset through the lens of RuPaul’s concept of the "Inner Saboteur"—the internal voice that acts as one's own worst enemy.
The Pond Analogy: Growing up in Steubenville, he felt like a "big fish in a small pond" and feared he wouldn't be "good enough" for the "ocean". After living in six different places, he concludes that the "ocean" (the wider world) and its "kingfish" are not as impressive or infallible as he once thought.
Missed Opportunities: He mentions "Wanda"—a toy made of two Bluetooth speakers on a stick—as an example of a good idea he hesitated to mass-produce because he assumed someone else must have already thought of it. He notes that successful figures like Mark Zuckerberg succeeded because they "just fucking did it" instead of convincing themselves that competitors were better.
Eviction and the Return to Ohio
George reveals his immediate reality: he is being evicted by the City Sheriff and must vacate the premises by noon the following day. Rather than causing a "ruckus," he plans to leave "the legit way". He announces his intention to return to Ohio, stating that he feels the state "could use me right now".
His final advice to his audience is to "get out of your own way," stop making excuses, and stop wasting time on people who do not care about you. He encourages listeners to let reality be the check on their success rather than "made up bullshit" conjured in their own heads.
Analogy for Understanding: To understand the "Inner Saboteur," imagine a navigator who is so afraid of hitting a rock that they refuse to leave the harbor, constantly insisting that other captains have better maps. George’s realization is that the harbor is closing (his eviction), the other captains aren't as skilled as they look, and the only way to find the "ocean" is to finally ignore the navigator and just sail the ship.
