Relaxed Afternoon

Mike provides a casual update from in front of Crimson House Alexandria.

Good afternoon, y’all! This is Mike George coming at you live from Crimson House at the "magical hour" of 16:30. We’re about ten minutes past 16:20, and it is a gorgeous autumn day here in Alexandria, Louisiana — and let’s be clear, this is the spicier, sexier southern version, not the one in Virginia.

Speaking of spicy, I’ve always had a thing for spicy food and spicy men; I mean, an entire Dutch East India Company was built on that craving centuries ago. If you take the massive market cap of Amazon or Apple and mix it with the ruthlessness of a colonial "Evil Corp," you get the Dutch East India Company. They were the ones pulling the strings the whole time, as anyone who has watched Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean is about to find out. I’d call that franchise a shitshow, but I can’t talk smack about Disney or Bob Iger while I’m still under contract—I don't need a letter from the bankrupt.

I’m looking at the viewer count here, and it’s a mystery who’s watching. Sometimes I feel like it’s my embarrassed kindergarten teacher judging me, thinking back to when my senior yearbook foolishly labeled me "most likely to succeed". But hey, this is Facebook land, where we reward a healthy mix of narcissism and irony.

Honestly, I am really digging my ensemble today. It’s unexpectedly cold for Louisiana, but my hair is doing this "overgrown Adele" thing that I’m totally into. I might have lost my dignity along the way, but thank God I’ve managed to cling to my metabolism despite some occasional grief eating.

It’s a crisp 17 degrees out — truly a beautiful day — but I have to ask: who is the city planner for Alexandria? If you look at this place on Google Maps, it’s a complete shitshow. I’m standing on a residential street right now where there are kids and bicycles, yet there is absolutely no sidewalk. You don’t have to be an urban planner to see that these roads make no sense.