Keeping A Move On
Hello this is Mike George here with some live updates on the situation in Portland, Oregon. As you guys know, I’ve got Mickey here; he’s good, nobody worry about him. Hey Simone, hey girl! Hi Joshua and Dan, thanks for joining us.
I love this camera angle, by the way—you can see if things are chasing me! Anyway, we’ve got a bunch of good stuff going on. We’re actually hiring an editor soon because we’re designing a show for a big season premiere we have coming up, so stay tuned for that.
Right now, I’m in Portland just assessing a recent situation. There were a few 'malcontents' patrolling the area, and you never really know what’s around the river bend or around the next corner.
The main point of this drive is that we’re looking for Joey. This is Mickey right here with me, but Joey went a little stir-crazy and decided to go on a shopping trip at the mall. We bought Mickey some treats, and I’ll show you those in the next episode once I’m not driving. It’s the 'Mickey and Mikey' show!
I might not be on much longer, but I’m going to smoke a little weed with y'all—we’ll put Mickey away first to keep the kids safe, of course. We’re still on the hunt for Joey, though. It’s a 'Joey but not Mickey' situation.
Hey Alan Draper, it’s been a long day. Let me give you the tea: my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I want to play a game like Match Game with the audience—participation is key! Every time I ask a question, you guys have to jump in.
I know some of you have been calling the hotlines and making this hard for me, but I’m just trying to snag a boy in the bathroom! That’s the mission of the day. Think of this as a 'choose-your-own-adventure' maze, just like the ones I used to draw back in elementary school. You can see exactly where I am in real-time on Google Maps.
I need to get some gasoline soon, so we’re heading to the truck terminal. Hopefully, there’s a cute attendant there who can fill us up. We’ve only got about 35 miles of fuel left, and I still need to pee and smoke, so there’s some external pressure on the situation!
I’m really bent up about Joey. He was our 'smoking apparatus,' our shared instrument of pleasure, and I just did a sweep of the cab and found him under the seat! I love how things show up right when you call for them.
It’s about 23:00 here in Portland. There are so many cool people in this city; I just want a cute boy to take home. I’m going to take a quick commercial break to pee behind a tree, and then I’ll be right back.
(Mike briefly exits vehicle, then returns)
Thanks for the hearts, everyone! That’s the nicest compliment I’ve had all day. We’re going to do a little 360-degree safety check; always be aware of who’s around you.
I’m moving on and dusting myself off. Life goes on, right? We’re heading toward the high-speed adventure portion of the evening. I’m a safe driver, but you’ve got to be attentive when there are suspicious people lurking around.
Shoutout to Bee joining us all the way from Taipei! We’re going to head toward Troutdale for fuel now. I know Obama is probably wiretapping me, but he’s probably got more weed anyway, so here’s to you, Mr. Obama!
This is my prayer time now. If you want to support my ideas, check out my GoFundMe page. I’ve got some business ideas for me and my partner, if he ever comes back. I’m just your average everyday stoner on the roads of Portland.
We’re at 9 viewers; when we get to 10, there’s a prize! This is like advanced Uber-plus-Pac-Man. My boyfriend broke up with me over the phone, and it’s been a mix of enchantment and disillusionment.
The music is fantastic tonight. We’re leaving the chaos of downtown Portland for a more peaceful drive. I’m heading for Exit 17 toward the truck terminal. I don't think my boyfriend is there, but there might be a hot boy at the gas pump. Stay tuned for the next segment, “The Truck Stop Hookup!”
