Lockout

Mike broadcasts from the topiary gardens in Columbus, following his completion of a 2-month jail sentence, lamenting the difficulties of being digitally crippled while trying to survive in a tech-dependent world. Despite finding himself living in poverty, he somehow finds the resilience to enjoy inner peace amidst the beauty he sees while acclimating to life outside of incarceration.

This is Mike George coming at you on this Monday afternoon, 6 July 2026, around 17:00. I’m broadcasting from the beautiful Topiary Gardens here in Columbus, Ohio. It’s a gorgeous day — about 22 degrees — and I’ve managed to find some perfect shade just as the sun is starting to head down.

I initially titled this entry "Homeless and Crippled," but I need to clarify for the sake of drama - I’m not physically crippled. Nobody beat me up irreparably during my recent stint in jail. When I say "crippled," I’m talking about my digital life. My Google account is non-functional, and since everything — my donations, my job applications, my entire identity — is tied to that account, I am effectively stuck. It’s incredibly frustrating when you’re just trying to survive and your digital lifeline is cut.

Speaking of survival, I’m currently commandeering the public library’s Wi-Fi from out here in the park. There’s a bit of irony there because I am officially banned from the library. Their motto is "Open to All," but apparently, I’ve already "passed my final exam" and am no longer allowed inside. I actually spent two and a half months in jail recently for the same reason I got banned. I didn't get any "shushes" from the librarians, just the handcuffs. Honestly, that time in jail did me some good—it gave me a moment of clarity and inner peace, sort of like Martha Stewart probably had during her time in the clink.

I’m out here today totally sober—no weed, just filtered thoughts from a 40-year-old noggin. I was just chatting with my friend Roosevelt in the comments, who was reminiscing about doing mushrooms here in the park and dancing with the topiary statues. I love that image—dancing with living creatures made of leaves. I like to think those plants enjoyed the company and the "emotional excitement".

The reality of my life right now is that I’ve been unhoused for a couple of years. While I usually manage to find a place to sleep inside about 90% of the time, that other 10% sees me sleeping right here in these gardens. I can tell you from experience: the best alarm clock in the world is waking up just as a neighbor’s dog is about to piss on you.

I’ll be real with you all: I’m bored of being broke. It’s gone from being a bit of an adventure to just being exhausting and shitty. I’ve got exactly 13 cents in my Cash App, and while I’ve always had too much pride to ask for money in person, I’m realizing I have to let some of that pride go. Without a phone screen to hypnotize myself into a "delusion of happiness," I’m having to create my own joy in the real world.

But life is good, because I’m not in jail. I’m out here with the "fine citizens of the real world". I’m going to sign off and play a little Louis Armstrong’s "What a Wonderful World" to set the mood.

Take care of yourselves, get off your goddamned phones, and go dance by yourself in a forest.