Be There

Despite living in an age in which everyone has a cellphone (with a clock), folks cannot be bothered to respect each other’s time and show up.

I hate men.

Let me tell you why: because the men I’ve had to deal with for the last two years in the Southern United States have been the same exhausting combination of over-promising and under-delivering. I learned a rule in the Midwest that they clearly don’t teach down here: never promise something you can’t deliver. I have attracted a never-ending list of "basic" boys into my dating existence who can’t even handle the simplest task—like showing up on time.

In an age where everyone has a cell phone with a clock and a map, I’m still dealing with people who are an hour late for a 45-minute commute. I’m tired of having my time wasted; I’m "reclaiming my time" because I’m just so exhausted with the lack of effort. Honestly, my dating life is an abysmal shit show, and these Facebook lives are the only way I can escape the loneliness for a few minutes. I keep thinking I’ll meet someone different, someone special, but I can’t even get past the level of basic respect for my time, let alone love. At this point, I can’t even tell if the humans on Grinder are real or if I’m about to fall in love with a bot because the selection of actual people is so grim.

And don't even get me started on the Natchez Police Department. They are on my last nerve. Last night, I got assaulted by a clerk at a convenience store on Martin Luther King Drive. I called the cops, they took their "sweet ass time" to get there, and then they had the nerve to go after me for trespassing instead of the guy who attacked me. Then today, I’m finally on a first date at a coffee shop, and some "Karen" calls the cops because I’m smoking a joint down the street. The police show up and literally break up my date. And of course, the guy I’m with—who was already an hour and a half late—is the first one to "jet" the second things get real.

Where have all the good men gone? Where are the gods? Where is the "StreetWise Hercules"? I’m out here looking for a badass "Maverick" who doesn't give a fuck, but I guess I’m the only one with a spine around here. I was taught that 15 minutes early is on time, on time is late, and 15 minutes late is "don’t even bother". But apparently, that concept doesn’t exist anymore.

Maybe I’m using the wrong tools; I’ve been using Grinder to find someone to sweep me off my feet, and that strategy has failed miserably. I’m going to try Facebook Dating instead.

But for now, the moral of the story is simple: if you have a place to be at a certain time, fucking show up. Do yourself and your friends a favor: show the fuck up or get the fuck out.

This is Mike George, live from Natchez, Mississippi—take care of yourself, take care of somebody else, and for the love of God, show up to shit on time.