Electric Avenue

Reporting from downtown Portland, Mike discusses the differences between hybrid and electric vehicles, as well as the viability of high-speed rail and hydrogen fuel.

Hello, it’s Mike George here. It’s a beautiful day in Portland, Oregon —"Portlandtopia," or "Portlandia" as the '90s kids called it. I was trying to think of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s names earlier this morning while I was in the Uber with Cheryl. Oh my god, I just realized I forgot to leave Cheryl a tip!

(Speaking to someone off-camera)

Hi! So, I assume none of these have gas since you’re at the "electric car avenue," right? Why would a gas car be at Electric Avenue?

Chris:
Yeah, I have people ask me all day if I’m a hybrid.

Mike:
A hybrid? No, fuck that. I mean, I’m not trying to be mean, but fuck hybrids. Why bother? Isn't it better to have one or the other?

Chris:
Well, it's a redundancy. When the car tells you how many miles you have left, that’s when you plug it in, like a battery.

Mike:
But a hybrid is just gas or electric, right? If you run out of gas, there’s a backup electric motor?

Chris:
By definition, a hybrid's fuel is gas, unless it’s a plug-in. It’s a standard engine with a backup electric battery. It's not an electric car in the sense that you don't plug it in. You pump gas at the depot.

Mike:
Technology nowadays is getting so confusing.

Chris:
What do you do?

Mike:
I’m a transmission operations engineer. I work in the grid control center right there—where the magic buttons are that control the power. I do stuff in the community too, sometimes for PGE (Portland General Electric).

Chris:
Oh, cool. I’ve worked with Fourth Mobility right around the corner. That’s an electric advocacy group. We teach the community about electric transportation.

Mike:
I’m in! You should see my stuff. I’m a high-speed rail guy. I’m a "Nazi" for high-speed rail—wait, can’t say that word anymore—but we can’t get the bullet train or the Hyperloop quickly enough. Actually, fuck the Hyperloop; it’s literally just "hype." We’ve had high-speed rail proposals for 60 or 80 years. It’s like flying cars and nuclear fusion—the things they always say we’ll have in 20 years.

I’ve been hearing the same thing about hydrogen fuel. "We’re going to get hydrogen!" Well, where is it? Hydrogen is the most abundant element in the universe, but you have to electrically or chemically treat water to get it. It’s just H, darling. Just a proton and a neutron. Is there even an electron? There probably is, otherwise the charge would be unbalanced.

(Observing a passerby)

Let’s talk to her a little bit... Oh, she’s just having a bad day. We shouldn’t make fun of her; that was me yesterday. I’m burnt out by that shit, honestly.

(To Chris) I'm going to take my earbud off. I'm Mike.

Chris:
Hi, I'm Chris.

Mike:
Nice to meet you, Chris. I should go back to Lana; my timer went off. My computer won't turn on. I push the button, the keyboard lights up once, and then it just shuts off. The computer is basically saying "fuck you" to me.

Chris, do you ever watch Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry Seinfeld? That’s kind of what I’m doing right now. Jerry interviewed a guy with orange-lensed glasses who claimed they helped with indigestion. I’m thinking of getting some just so I can tell people that.

I’ve never been a sunglasses guy. I never buy them for more than $5 because I always lose them or drop them. Usually, I'm wearing them because I'm stoned as fuck and trying to hide my bloodshot eyes. If I'm already stoned, there's a likely chance I'm going to lose the damn things.

Mike: (To another person)
You don't have to tell me your name if you're shy.

Stephen: Hi, I’m Stephen.

Mike:
Hi, Stephen, I’m Mike. I’m livestreaming; it’s a thing kids used to be live on air. It’s kind of like how Barbara Walters—no, not Taylor Swift—Barbara Walters on 20/20 did those interview styles where she was just "chill" with people before the interview. I think 20/20 was produced in the '90s? I remember watching it as a kid. Barbara Walters is an icon.

Anyway, Stephen, I’ve got to go check on my computer. Lana has it across the street in the building. It’s having a "fuck you" moment and won't turn on. It's been a pleasure chatting with you!

Alright guys, it’s me, Mike George. I’m going to sign out for a bit. I need an offline smoke break and I need to check on that computer. Love you guys. Meow!