Playground in Portland

Mike reflects from a surreal afternoon in downtown Portland on the recent personal and environmental crises in his life. Admiring the blue power chair of a local woman named Eclair, Mike reveals he was having a "panic attack" earlier that morning due to imminent fire evacuations and the feeling of abandonment in the apocalypse. He finds comfort in Eclair’s creative sketching and her positive outlook on recovery, eventually ending the broadcast to help her find a location to charge her electric chair.

It’s Mike George here on special assignment in downtown Portland, where Donald Trump is waging war. We are out of the trenches, and I have a couple of friends with us. Say hello! If you want to introduce yourselves, go ahead—but don’t worry, the FBI isn’t watching, I promise. You don’t have to be on camera; I’ll just point it at your hat.

[Cyndi Lauper’s "Time After Time" begins playing]

Let's sing along!

“Time after time... time after time...”

I don’t actually know all the words. Oh, sorry, I don’t think she’s having a good day over there. Well, we are having a good day, right? Let me know if you want to change the music; this is just timeless. I love Cyndi Lauper. Let me turn it down a bit so we can talk.

We should do karaoke! I haven’t done karaoke in years. I have a microphone right here—actually, it’s just a vape, but I pretend it’s a microphone. We’re going to rehearse! Those of you who have watched before know how terrible I am at karaoke on Facebook Live because the audio or the music usually stops working. Oh, did you hear that frequency shift? I think the Bluetooth is interfering.

We have a request for "Wheels on Fire"—oh, wait, I think he was actually referring to your chair. You just received a compliment from the internet! Your chair is beautiful; I love that royal blue color.

Eclair:
Thank you. It’s the same color as my car. It’s royal blue.

Mike:
How does it maneuver? Is it a good chair?

Eclair:
Yes, but I have to keep people’s hands off of it. People try to steal it from me all the time. I just ran the shit out of it for five hours yesterday.

Mike:
I love it. Now, the camera is just watching this tornado snow globe now, so we can just talk and watch bullshit. It’s actually a whirlpool.

I was a lifeguard at a high school pool once. Thank you for your service—I need to get back into volunteering. 2020 is real "heavenly" right now; I just do the best I can today. Whenever I have a good idea and want to execute it, the doctors are like, "Oh, it’s just a grandiose vision of his bipolar; this isn’t real".

Let’s play something more chill. I love this song from the movie Goodbye Lenin. I’ll turn it up, but "never louder than lovely," as an old choir director once said. I’d rather listen to this than the ash.

[Looking at the snow globe on the camera screen]

Eclair:
It looks like a teddy bear with a guitar in there.

Mike:
Oh yeah, I see that! It’s very beautiful. You did a good job on that. I’m trying to set up an outdoor camping retreat. Look at that design—the man with the gold across his forehead looks like a wizard.

Eclair:
I can still see the colors and the movement from far away, even though I need glasses.

Mike:
We have four people watching with us. That looks like an alien child, right? Or a person with a mask and a big stick.

I love your hat; it’s like burgundy, right? Look at that building with the wrought iron—that’s the old post office, I think. Is it a hotel?

Eclair:
No, it’s a plaything for children — a jungle gym.

Mike:
Oh, I thought you meant the building behind the corner! It’s very picturesque here. There’s a cute boy coming toward us; look, he’s playing the drums.

Do you have any music requests? I’m going to get some H2O for us. H2O for the "hose"—that’s you and me, baby, and it wasn’t an insult!

Eclair:
Wait until the snow globe turns blue, then put the glasses above it.

Mike:
Look at that! The blue comes out more. You’re a genius! Look at the difference. There are actually filters on Facebook Live, too. This matches your hat colors. You brought me back to life a little bit, honestly.

I’m going to give the music a break to save the battery. You always have to conserve battery, just like with your chair. You don’t understand how much you’ve improved my day. I was having a fucking panic attack earlier because I thought the fires were imminent. I was evacuating my house, it was scary, and my own boyfriend abandoned me! He didn't even pick me up; I had to Uber. Can you imagine your own boyfriend running away during the apocalypse?

Eclair:
My grandson is just learning to speak. He calls me "Gate gamma," which means Great Grandma.

Mike:
"Gate gamma"? You’re a Dame! They should call you Dame. It’s scary how much kids pick up—all the bad habits we don't even admit to ourselves. I have a lot of bad habits. I’ve been a cunt to my boyfriend.

Did you hear that motor? That’s a man I wouldn’t mind picking me up. I’ve always wanted to ride on the back of a motorcycle. I rode dirt bikes when I was younger, but those are so "redneck country." I actually like redneck boys, though—minus the meth-heads.

Eclair:
I’ve gone through addiction. I just take it as it is.

Mike:
I’m glad you’re in a good place. It’s getting chilly out. I noticed in Portland that people are very protective of their space, which is why I was so excited you were cool with the camera. People are very paranoid in this town. I’ve given into the paranoia, too. It’s exhausting.

Eclair:
I have to head out; I don't have much of a charge left. I need to find some electricity for my chair.

Mike:
I’m an electrical engineer! Why don't you go to the World Trade Center? They have car chargers. We’ll find something. I can walk with you. The 76 station won't let you do it anymore? That’s bullshit.

I’m going to turn this off for a while. This was a pretty good segment. You look beautiful sketching away; I would steal that hat if you weren't so nice to me! I’m just being paranoid again. Anyway, this is Mike George in Portland with the lovely Eclair — like the whipped cream!

Goodnight, y’all.