Following Fuego’s untimely demise, Mike and Matt roll in a new truck from Oregon to Spokane, crossing the Columbia River into Washington, pass the McNary Dam, and clearing a weigh station at the state line before signing off from Washington State.
Good morning, this is Mike George here, and this is the annoying bitch, your friendly neighborhood truck driver, Matthew.
Matt:
Yes, and we are coming to you live from a new location! Not in Utah for once.
Mike:
Tell them about it, baby.
Matt:
So I'm kind of sad a little bit, but I don't have my baby Frey anymore. There were talks with our company about moving to Portland and becoming a local driver out there, but they didn't have a position open yet.
So what I'm going to do is run regional right now, but in doing that, I'm not a flatbed driver anymore… I mean, I'll always be a flatbed driver, but I'm a van driver right now. They gave me a new truck because Frey got jealous and decided he wasn't going to work anymore.
Mike:
The timing was quite suspicious, wasn't it? He was like a jealous ex saying, "Well bitch, you don't like him? Well fuck you, I'm gonna shit on you". What happened to Frey in the first place?
Matt:
The transmission was basically fucked -- I could hear grinding during shifts — and wasn't fully engaging. It was a clutch and transmission issue, after an otherwise quiet and reliable service life. And then thank God it happened at my final destination, where I dropped off.
Mike:
Tell them about that location—it was like a fucking maze!
Matt:
There was an experienced driver there who pulled around and went, "How the fuck did you get that in there?" I said, "Very carefully and with a lot of patience"!
Mike:
It was basically a plastic recycling facility with piles of shit everywhere.
Matt:
This facility takes old plastics and breaks them down into little pellets used to manufacture new plastics.
Touring the New Truck
Mike:
Let's do a little tour of the truck! It's cleaner than the other one because we purged some stuff, so we have way more room now.
Matt:
This is the driver and passenger area—it's an International truck because I'm internationally famous! There's a computer system for logging, and I can lift this seat straight up.
Mike:
Why is it named Freddy?
Matt:
Because the previous driver left a Queen's Greatest Hits II CD inside! I was like, "Well, it was meant to be," so I named it Freddy.
Mike:
Let's go in the back and see what Freddy looks like.
Matt:
Honestly, if you've seen one Freightliner, you've seen them all, except mine was a slightly smaller cab because it was an extended Freightliner.
Mike:
I've never seen a Freightliner, baby!
Matt:
It's nice and bright in here. It's basically a bunk bed with a much wider bed and more storage room for our stuff.
Making the Move to Portland
Mike:
To give a little update: Matthew and I finished up the Home Depot assignments at the end of last week. His manager sent us over to Portland for some loads, and Matt is in the process of transferring his home base of operations from Phoenix to Portland. In the meantime, we're looking for a place to live in Portland. We spent last weekend through yesterday in Portland.
Matt:
By the way, I bought a 24-pack of water for over $8! Don't shop at the truck stop—that's your neighborhood truck driver tip of the day.
Mike:
Let's critique the water! It's Perrier, but I bet you could buy this for half the price.
Matt:
Remember, there's a 5-cent bottle deposit per bottle in Oregon.
Mike:
So 5 cents times 24 is $1.20 added onto the price.
Matt:
Truck stops know truckers don't really have an option, so it's supply and demand.
Aspirations to Fly
Look, it's an airplane with a trail, or a helicopter near those transmission towers! Doing heavy-haul transport by helicopter would be badass. I've always wanted to be a pilot since I was a little kid. First I wanted to be an astronaut, not realizing the only reason I wanted to be an astronaut was because I wanted to study Uranus!
Mike:
I haven't had my caffeine yet today!
Matt:
I have to buy a new CB radio now because this truck doesn't have a 12-volt plug for it. I'm going to buy one because I'm a BAMP, babe!
Mike:
What is a BAMP? A "bitchily anal motherfucker"?
Matt:
No, it's a "badass motherfucker," thank you!
Mike:
We're on our way to Spokane, Washington, and then Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.
Matt: I
I bought freeze-dried pear, peach, and apple-banana crisps.
Mike:
Let's see who's watching on Facebook Live: Steve Vella, Alan Draper, Angela Price, and Maya James.
Matt:
Look at these seats—they have lumbar support for the low and middle back. Next time my back is sore, I can no longer blame the chairs or the pillows you stole this morning!
Mike:
I didn't steal it; I reallocated it!
Special Guest
Mike:
We are currently in Boardman, Oregon, on the south side of the Columbia River, following these BPA transmission lines along the riverbanks. We are leaving the Love's truck stop in Boardman in northeast Oregon.
Matt:
We visited the Bonneville Power Administration headquarters in downtown Portland near the Lloyd Center, which had a great visitor center and library with electrical engineering books.
Mike:
Our friend Johnny is joining our live broadcast!
Johnny:
Hi guys! I'm at work right now at Amazon—look at my vest! I got hired on August 18th, and tomorrow is our first paycheck.
Mike:
Where is your Amazon facility located?
Johnny:
I work at a facility in Northwest Portland on St. Helens Road. My job title is Sortation Associate. We sort boxes into bins for the delivery vans. During Black Friday and Cyber Monday, we'll get paid overtime.
Mike:
Are they still hiring? I'm waiting to hear back on my job applications, so doing that temporarily would be cool.
Johnny:
My boyfriend is starting orientation on November 7th for the graveyard shift to earn extra Christmas cash. He wants to get me something nice, and I'm buying him Beats headphones.
Mike:
Thanks for coming on, Johnny!
Nicole is in the house -= holding it down back in Steubenville, Ohio. I've actually thought about opening a business in Steubenville someday. It's a logistical hub 45 minutes from Pittsburgh, close to the Ohio River and major highways — that's why Walmart put a distribution center there.
Mike:
Glenn Patterson from Dayton is watching! Mask was my first gay bar in Dayton. And in Denver, the first gay club I went to was Tracks 2000.
Mike:
We spent time in Portland with Leah and Caleb, making a wonderful dinner and playing video games.
Matt:
We have cows over there!
Mike:
Patrick Anderson asks where we are. We're near the Tri-Cities area on I-84 in Oregon, approaching I-82.
Patrick: (in comments)
I grew up in Ontario, Oregon, and lived in Spokane.
Matt:
I love Ontario! There's a great Mexican place right on the Pilot truck stop property off I-84.
Up the Columbia River
Mike:
I want to hear what everyone is doing for the holiday season—whether it's Indigenous People's Day, Friendsgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Christmas.
Matt:
We're approaching the Columbia River from the south, crossing over from Oregon into Washington State.
Mike:
There's the McNary Dam up ahead and a big substation! We started out in Utah, picked up a load at Kimberly-Clark in Ogden, brought it to Oregon, and transferred to this new truck. Now we're crossing the Columbia River over into Washington.
Weighing in Washington
Mike:
We have a weigh station coming up as we enter Washington State!
Matt:
Put down your phone so we don't draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves. And don't vape right now while we're in line at the weigh station.
Mike:
We made it through the weigh station and back onto the highway! Live from Washington State, this is Mike George and Matthew Gutierrez signing off!
Matt:
Have a good day, everybody! Bye!
