Mike and Matt haul a load of steel decking, bound for Utah, recounting their recent stops. Matt details the headaches of balancing sliding tandems and CAT scale weight limits across state lines, while Mike reminisces about meeting Matt's sister over steak in Denver. As their truck crawls toward Flagstaff, Mike reflects on modern dating culture and social dynamics across different cities. Mike contemplates the fear of feeling trapped by past specializations, reminding folks that even experienced professionals face the vulnerability of "imposter syndrome" when trying something out for their first time.
Good morning, this is Mike George here along with the bitchy gay-ass truck driver Matthew, and we are reporting live from north of Phoenix in Arizona along Interstate 17 on the Eisenhower Interstate System.
Let's see... how's our morning going, baby?
Matt:
It's going fabulous.
Mike:
It is going fabulously. We just retrieved a load that we're taking up to Utah, up to a lovely little place called American Fork. I think that's kind of in the Salt Lake City region. I imagine any civilized place in Utah is somewhere near the Salt Lake City area, if you can even call SLC civilized.
Matt:
Call what civilized?
Mike:
SLC.
Matt:
Oh, okay. That's their local abbreviation out there.
Mike:
I mean, that's also their airport code, too.
Matt:
Ah, okay.
Mike:
Well, you know, not everybody uses the airport code to talk about their city. Nobody uses CMH to talk about Columbus.
Matt:
That's because nobody talks about Columbus!
Mike:
Touché! Just kidding, Columbus people, I love you! We love Columbus. Go Buckeyes, or whatever that team is out there!
Matthew:
Buckies! Buckies! Go Buckies!
Mike:
Oh, please explain the Bucky thing! What's the explanation?
Matt:
It was a misprint on one of our bills. A lady that we went to deliver to, I had Michael look at it, and he goes, "I don't know where Bucky Road is." I go, "It's Buckeye." They just forgot the extra 'e' at the end, so now it's Bucky.
Mike:
Now we know when we think of Buckeye/Bucky, we should have a dog named Bucky. That'd be a cute dog name.
Matt:
No, I'm naming a dog. You don't even have a name.
Mike:
I'm going to name a dog Cock. So I'm screaming in the middle of the night, "Come back, Cock! Come back!"
Matt:
What about when you have to take your Cock for a walk, or feed your Cock?
Mike:
Some people are paying good money to see that! On that note, let's check in with our viewers here who have already shared some thoughts. Alan Draper, good morning boys! Good morning, Alan, how are you today? Are you hungover?
Matt:
It is a Wednesday. Nobody gets hungover on Wednesday mornings. Come on, nobody gets drunk on Tuesday night, right? I wish everyone could have seen that look I just gave Michael.
Mike:
It doesn't even matter, because I don't exist. You can't think of an example, that's why it doesn't matter. Girl, I love you enough not to put you on blast on Facebook.
Matt:
Well, it might get some ratings! If we get into a fight on Facebook Live, that's what every other reality show does.
Mike:
What did Alan have to say? Alan Draper just says, "I do." I know about who gets drunk on Tuesdays!
Matt:
Oh, I wasn't referring to him; I was just referring to Queens of Portland in general.
Mike:
The queens of Portland, the queens of PDX, or as I call them, the rusty queens. Is it like the Rust Belt? Is that where all the washed-up queens go when they de-industrialize?
Matt:
I'm just going to keep that comment to myself.
Mike:
Oh, there's all kinds of shade over there! Flipping around... and we're back! Welcome to another adventure of Hey Queen! Matthew Chess wants us to take our shirts off. I'm surprised that amongst all the livestreaming we've done, we've only now had that come up as a question after four or five of these things.
Matt:
Tell Matthew to inbox us later!
Mike:
Inbox us later! Actually, Matthew just got married. He just got married to—and I'm going to fuck this up, but it's okay if I fuck it up because I'm Asian so I'm allowed to fuck this up—a Filipino boy, I believe? Or Laotian?
Matt:
He's Indonesian!
Mike:
Indonesian! Okay, I knew I was messing this up! Congratulations, a congratulation is in order! His name is Rion. Matthew's a dear friend of mine from Columbus. He's into cars, he's into men, he's into a lot of really awesome nerdy stuff. He's a huge Trekkie. Did you say nerdy or dirty?
Matt:
Both! Nerdy and dirty.
Mike:
I like to think we'll go with nerdy-dirty, because then the nerdy will unwind into the dirty when you take the zipper away from the nerd.
Matt:
Who are you, Buffalo motherfucking Bill that puts the lotion on his skin or else he gets the hose again? What the hell?
Mike:
Well, it's a lot of work, but I'm sure there's a reward at the end. My dear friend Howard is on! I love that name. He pulls off the Howard name very well; he's very eloquent.
Matt:
Point it to the front, girl. Flip it around so you can see!
Mike:
All right, let's flip it around and give you all a sense of where we're at. We're in central Arizona, driving north from Phoenix on up to Flagstaff.
Matt:
It's a lot of beautiful area where desert meets vegetation. It's the mountains! Flagstaff is kind of where you start getting into the mountains away from the desert.
Mike:
We've already started going up into it! Oh girl, when did you start your transition?
Matt:
You'd have to ask my doctor for the specifics!
Mike:
Let's recap the last bit that's happened since our last livestream post. We stopped in Denver... Scott Patton, an old friend of mine from undergrad at Wright State who was one of the resident advisers, asks: "Are you coming to PHX?" We just left Phoenix! Scott apparently lives in Phoenix now.
Matt:
Actually, I'm from Glendale, Arizona. If you really want to get technical, I was born at Luke Air Force Base Hospital in Glendale.
Mike:
So not technically in Arizona, but on federally protected land!
Matt:
I'm not one of the Dreamers of that man—we shall not speak his name! Mike wanted to marry me so I can make him legal! Just kidding.
Mike:
Okay, so we're experiencing some intermittent wireless signals. But anyways, we were in Denver, and we got to meet the illustrious Colia Gutierrez!
Matt:
My sister met one of my boyfriends for the first time ever, and that's kind of a big deal!
Mike:
Boyfriend A! We haven't gotten to double lettering yet!
Matt:
So he got to meet my sister, and we got to go out and have dinner at a great steakhouse off Federal Boulevard in the Denver metro area. We got a really awesome porterhouse cooked phenomenally.
Mike:
I also ordered a corn dog! The corn dog, to its credit, was perfectly cooked with a nice crispy batter on the outside and warm and fluffy on the inside!
Matt:
When you're hunting around for good food at a constellation of truck stops around the country, your options are limited, so you've got to savor that food.
Mike:
Then we got a load that took us down to El Paso, Texas. From El Paso, we picked up a dry van load that was overweight and not California-legal. So I had to take that to Phoenix so the load could get reworked. Then I picked up my current load, which is steel decking, going up to American Fork, Utah.
Matthew:
My company needs some help up there; they need a good driver who's smart, able-bodied, and stupid to go out there for a few weeks, so I'm going to do that!
Mike:
Funny story time: when Matthew went to scale his load on a CAT scale at a truck stop, he ended up pulling a Mike George and making sure that he got the "white weight" instead of the "right weight"!
Matt:
I was frustrated! This was like the sixth time that I had to weigh this damn thing because I had to move the sliding tandems back so the weight would be legal. I ended up saying "white weight" instead of "right weight" on the intercom and started laughing!
Mike:
My friend Bee from Taiwan just joined!
Matt:
He's the one who's married and has a beautiful son and daughter now.
Mike:
When I visited him in Taipei, Bee took me out to nightclubs until 4 in the morning, and he saw his first drag queen! We had a blast in Taipei. My Mandarin gets a lot better after I drink, because I have fewer inhibitions using it.
Mike:
Our reception in the desert is intermittent as we go through this mountain pass on I-17. Look at the speedometer—we're going about 35 mph on the highway up this hill!
Matt:
We're just trucking, trucking, trucking right up!
Mike:
Comparing Scruff from city to city: Denver guys seemed a lot more open-minded and cool to socialize with, whereas guys in Phoenix seemed to be on there for a very singular hookup intention.
Matt:
In our downtime, we've been watching The Price is Right and a show called Islands of the Future.
Mike:
Before signing off, let's consult our Sparkle and Kick It book in the back of the truck. Today's wisdom from Frank Tennyson: "Even the guru is not exempt from jolly suffering."
Matt:
Even the guru is not exempt from jolly suffering!
Mike:
To me, having a master's degree in electrical engineering feels like a limiting hole of specialization sometimes, but it's never too late to try new things, step out of your comfort zone, or fill in street smarts. Even experts go through the same struggles, doubts, and failures.
Matt:
Hope you all have a wonderful day! Feel free to submit any questions you have.
Mike:
Live from Arizona, this is Mike.
Matt:
I'm Matt. Peace out, everybody!
