Mike and Matt travel I-5 in Northern California south of Corning on a daylight-savings Sunday. They play with Facebook Live filters, talk Midwest tornadoes and a Weather Channel meteorologist, and discuss color guard and marching band competitions.
Good morning — actually it's afternoon now. Hope you all set your clocks back right. I don't even know what the hell time it is anymore - 7:33? Okay, so we're still all right. We are on I-5 in Northern California, just past 11:33 local time. I'm Mike George.
Matt:
Hello! It's your friendly neighborhood truck driver, Matthew.
Mike:
It's a lot of R's. Yeah! Hey girl, hey! How's it going? Hope you're doing good on Jesus's day.
Matt:
Jesus's day, yeah! Now Jesus, you know, we got to work for him. Wait, Daylight Savings Time is related to Jesus? No, it's Sunday.
Mike:
Oh, Sunday! That's right. Okay, well, that's every seven days is Jesus day. Oh God, oh Jesus. Anyways, happy Daylight Savings Time, everybody! Except for Arizona...
Matt:
Except for Arizona, 'cause we don't believe in that junk.
Mike:
Daylight Savings Time is one of my favorite times of year because it's the one holiday that you actually get one extra hour to just do whatever the hell you want for the day and go back in time.
Matt:
And to go back in time to 1985. Time travel, woo!
Mike:
Wow, okay, we're getting fancy with our special effects now, girl. Oh my gosh, oh my God, there actually are special effects here! Look at all these filters and things, kind of like Snapchat. What is this one? This has some time travel-esque quality to it. And then we have this filter... oh, that requires a face! Oh my goodness, what happens to this here? There's actual music with this! There's like Game of Thrones music on that filter! So, anyways, how do I even... oh my God, this is so complicated now, I just fucked this up. Can you go back to... all right, there we go, yeah, I got another filter screen.
So, we're going to need a producer, please, to help us. I know, well, we'll start getting a budget for this livestream series somehow, you know, maybe when I actually get a job, that'll help with the budget.
Mike:
Anyways, so we are... yeah, where are we at, babe?
Matt:
We are south of Corning, north of San Fran and Sacramento. We're in California.
Mike:
California! And it's actually really... it's a little chilly, but definitely not as bad as what it was up north, right? They were starting to get a little bit of snow, at least it was getting ready to start, so I had to duck out of there. That's a color guard reference—if you don't get it, don't worry about it, you don't need to. For all my color guard people, hi! Hope season's going good for you so far.
Speaking of... oh wait, it's November! Oh my God, it's Bands Of America (BOA) Grand Nationals time! Oh no, it's the marching band Olympics!
Matt:
Oh shoot, where's that at?
Mike:
Indy—Indianapolis! Which, if you're in the Midwest, hunker down, girl, 'cause there's tornadoes. Oh my God, yeah, that Weather Channel... what was his name? Andy Stein!
Matt:
Andy Stein, woo! That cutie!
Mike:
Yeah, this cute Weather Channel meteorologist. Well-dressed, a little... he kind of had a little bit of... I don't know, he was kind of fun on air. I mean, he was chatting with his colleague on air, it was fun to look at this morning. Not to mention taking a shower with my babe!
Matt:
Yes, always fun!
Mike:
So yeah, I guess if you are in the Midwest, the Great Lakes Midwest area, hopefully you already know about the weather. Hopefully you're not getting your actual weather forecast from us on Facebook Live, hopefully you have a reputable source—you know, maybe a cute meteorologist of your own. It's the Weather Channel, so I'm sure y'all can watch the same thing that we watched. Yeah, they're getting like some tornadoes, some severe weather out there, so make sure to kind of know your escape plan if you start seeing some hail and some tornadoes. If you start hearing a freight train, get to the basement, grab Toto and your rubbery slippers...
Matt:
Grab Toto, go to the basement, hide in the bathtub, put a blanket over your body, protect yourself from all the flying debris!
Mike:
The flying debris! The Flying Debris, that could be like a drag name! "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Flying Debresse!"
Matt:
And she comes up on a broomstick, you know, kind of like a Wicked Witch type of thing.
Mike:
More Peter Pan, but that works too. Well, I'm seeing like a big old queen on a broomstick, you know? My mind just went so many inappropriate places right now.
Matt:
Yeah, I got a lot of creativity you can play with on that whole... it's like a drag queen on a pogo stick, that would be kind of amazing.
Mike:
Speaking of wonderful drag queens, I got to watch a wonderful live event yesterday from Miss Amaya Sexton.
Matt:
Yes, she's always looking good! And so many followers, my God!
Mike:
Yeah, she has quite a fanbase. You know, we got four followers... oh, it just dropped to two! Our viewership just cut in half! Drag queens—"No, I'm done watching." No, I love the whole art of drag and the whole illusion of drag, and how it really just makes fun of society and ego and just everything in between, right? You know, some people take it very seriously because for some people it actually is their profession. And honey, if you're making that coin and able to do it, bless you, because it is hard. It is so hard, especially nowadays.
Matt:
Yeah, it's so hard. It's like a guy in Palm Springs after he's taken a Viagra, it's that hard!
Mike:
We come up with all sorts of analogies! Oh my gosh, I know all this caffeine is making us real creative and stir crazy with those analogies.
Matt:
Well, since I'm on a good caffeine kick, this is going to be my rant for the day. So, I've previously posted about being in Weed, California, going to this previously wonderful restaurant called Dos Amigos, which after Mike's and my experience last night there, I will never fucking ever go there again. So if you're ever in Weed, California, don't go there, because they like to upcharge you, not tell you about it, and then after you inquire about it, they basically try to make you look like an asshole when that's not even the fucking case. It's like, if you're going to upcharge somebody—sorry, I've worked in the industry for 18 years—you tell them about it so that they can make an informed decision, not let them find out after the fact.
And then when they bring it up, your solution to it isn't, "Well, just don't tip me." That is not customer service! And then when you decide to tell me, "Oh, well, we've been here 17 years, I'm pretty sure we know what we're doing." Bitch, I've been in the industry 18 years, and you are not above going under and out of business!
So if y'all have a chance, please feel free to go to Dos Amigos Mexican Restaurant in Weed, California's page, and feel free to leave them a one-star review! One star, with a middle finger! I mean, if you could do a half a star or a quarter star, that'd be great.
But yeah, f**k that place, they have forever lost my business. You know, a couple times I've been there without Mike was really, really good, and then just for some reason this time it was really mediocre, and then that whole sticker shock—which mind you, three fucking dollars, big fucking whoop!
Mike:
No, it was $6!
Matt:
So I got a tostada, which mind you, a tostada is practically like an appetizer, unless you're a fat bitch like me and decide to eat like eight of them.
Mike:
Well yeah, so I mean you got two of them. The tostadas were marked as what, $8.99?
Matt:
No, $7.99. I remember I pulled it because the original tostada one was $8.99 and then the deluxe, which all it was was guacamole and sour cream, was $10.99.
Mike:
So anyways, it's marked as $8 on the menu, and we got our bill and they charged $14 for a tostada for two! Piled on top of each other, yeah. That's how you usually serve it. But anyways, yeah, so our price went from $8 to $14 on a fucking appetizer item, and I mean it was more expensive than your item!
Matt:
I got the Caldo de Pollo, which was a big old soup of chicken and broth and vegetables and corn tortillas, and you're like, "Yeah, bullshit, bullshit." So we ended up... I mean, of course I'm not going to be an asshole and not pay, but bitch, charge me accordingly for what the price says on the fucking menu!
And want to know what? If you're not going to tell people about it, really easy: put an asterisk and disclose the upcharge on the menu. But when the server replies, "Well, you can get whatever you want," that to me says, "I can get whatever I want for no additional charge," right? That's really... and you can't try to justify it. So if you're ever in Weed, California, don't eat at Dos Amigos.
Mike:
Yeah, there's only fast food restaurants around there other than that. There actually is a grocery store, and then they have a Taco Bell, I think a Burger King or a McDonald's, and then the truck stop. And hell, that truck stop had that PJ Fresh little deli counter there with the pizza and some breakfast sandwiches this morning.
Matt:
Probably half the price and probably on par with the quality of the food at that Mexican place.
So customer service, people—doesn't matter what industry you're in, you can be nice and hear people out, do what you say and stand by it, don't fucking surprise people! Like, his whole thing is, "Well, it's my job to make you happy. Did you eat? Well, I'll take care of it after the fact." You didn't fucking take care of it, that's the fucking point!
I should’ve said I didn't eat it. I mean, it wasn't even that good. I actually had a piece of that al pastor meat, and I really wasn't that impressed. I mean, the chicken caldo, $10 or $11 for a bowl of soup seemed like a bit much, but whatever, so we won't be going there ever again.
Mike:
So anyway, yeah, so we're in olive country right now. It's a little overcast, but it's really cleared up now. You can see over there the mountains with weather systems coming off the Pacific. Yeah, we drove through some mountains kind of between Oregon and California around Mount Shasta. Beautiful! There were a lot of clouds in the area, definitely a lot of weather systems happening in that area. We actually beat the snow—we've been one step ahead of the weather this whole trip!
Matt:
That's because I like to plan ahead! Perfect planning prevents poor performance, bitches! Not to be confused with the 5 G's: "Good God Girl Get A Grip."
Mike:
Oh, let's see who we got here. Oh my God, I totally didn't see the comments here! Ryan commented! Hi Ryan!
Matt:
Hi Ryan! Mr. Gay Pride Portland!
Mike:
Yes, Mr. Gay Pride Portland! He just said, "Y'all are freaking adorable, lol." That was really nice. We just met Ryan about two weekends ago when we spent some time in Portland. Hopefully potential roommates, right?
Matt:
Hope so, yes! That would be really awesome. I love that fucking house.
Mike:
Yeah, but we don't want to jinx ourselves here, we don't want to get too comfortable with the idea.
Matt:
Well, worst-case scenario, if it doesn't happen right now, it will happen in February, right?
Mike:
Yeah, no, that's true, that's true. So we'll see what happens with that. It's a beautiful place, two beautiful souls living there, Jace and Ryan. That would be great to be able to live with them.
Matt:
And how far is that away from Bernie?
Mike:
Oh, it's like one exit down I-5, total walking distance! Bernie lives right off Corbett Avenue, which is literally like the next exit down. I think Portland, just because you have to build the highway through the city, has some unique exits.
A little shoutout to the Mu Crew back in Dayton, Ohio! Daniel Wright is watching! Dan, I love Dan! Actually, Daniel lives in San Francisco or somewhere around here, but I know him from karaoke in Montreal. He lived in Montreal around the same time that I did, and he was a karaoke DJ. It was kind of awesome because every other karaoke DJ in Montreal spoke maybe hardly any English, so I couldn't really flirt with them in order to advance my songs further up the list, whereas everybody else and their mother did! So my songs always got shafted whenever I was at Club Date. Club Date is a dedicated karaoke bar in Montreal, really cool place. I was just really disappointed that I couldn't flirt with the DJ and get my songs moved up like everybody else could.
Matt:
How cool would it be to have a karaoke bar that had an actual pianist that did your accompaniment?
Mike:
Oh, a pianist! Oh, that would be awesome, that would be fucking amazing! Well, I've gone to some events... there was a bar in Columbus called Bernard's that did live band karaoke, which was really cool.
So yeah, Daniel actually deejayed at The Drugstore, which was a lesbian bar in Montreal occupying a 3-story, split-level bar with 6 half-levels and 35-foot ceilings. They had a stage for drag shows in a courtyard atrium where you could watch the stage from all three levels above. In Montreal, you don't tip drag queens because Canada doesn't have $1 bills; their currency starts with $5 bills, and then they have Loonies ($1 coins) and Toonies ($2 coins).
Matt:
Oh, okay!
Mike:
When I was broke as fuck in Montreal during those times of financial austerity, I'd find a handful of Loonies and Toonies in my pocket that added up to 10 bucks, which was pretty nice! Daniel DJed there every week, speaks really good French, and he actually writes music now. I'd love to hang out with him and start writing music, using programs like Fruity Loops for electronic music creation. So shout out to Daniel!
Let me see what else has been going on. Y'all have been quiet! Orville, California, reminds me a little bit of Orrville, Ohio, where Smucker's Jelly is made, and where my friend Leonda is from. Leonda was on UAB with me back in the Wright State days—she's an ordained minister and an all-around great gal.
Matt:
We have Robert DeLay watching.
Mike:
Hi Robert! We are driving through Northern California down toward Madera, California, passing through some wildfire-affected areas. Michelle Craig Don says, "Hi you two!"
Matt:
Hi Michelle!
Mike:
Give my love to Britney and your mother, and especially to Phil! Michelle is based out of Arizona—she's the mother of my friend Britney.
Matt:
I need to find cans of Mr Pibb before... well, Mr Pibb Extra, not with an 'E' but with an 'X'! Get rid of those redundant vowels, they're $250 each on Wheel of Fortune!
Mike:
Michelle says she loves and misses us too!
Matt:
Yay! Well, I hope to someday meet you, Michelle. You sound like a fabulous human being.
Mike:
Don't go chasing waterfalls, girls! Rest in peace, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. She was a much better rapper than Nicki Minaj.
Matt:
We were listening to Fergie yesterday with Nicki Minaj on that Lady Gaga playlist.
Mike:
Yesterday I saw a really cute sticker that says "Black Trucks Matter."
Matt:
Jesus, yes, it is Jesus day!
Mike:
Michelle says, "Keep on trucking." You know how I do it! The weather has really cleared up, as clear as California can be. Fortunately, we'll have Mr. Andy Stein from the Weather Channel to comfort us. What did everybody on Facebook do during their extra hour for Daylight Savings Time?
Matt:
They probably were sleeping or partying!
Mike:
We got Hairspray playing! "What'd you do with the money?" That's an old caddy joke I used to tell people when they'd sing: "What'd you do with the money your mama gave you for singing lessons?"
Matt:
Your octave range is still a little higher than mine.
Mike:
I still got the falsetto! By the time I start my singing career at 40, I'll be an established dame who has slept with all the right people, so it won't even matter how well I sing anymore!
Matt:
Don't lower your standards to raise theirs! Sounds like you're trying to sleep your way to the top!
Mike:
Well yeah, but that involves a step up each time, not a step down! Depends if you're talking about stepping up the corporate ladder or stepping down in your morals and ethics. I don't feel morally or ethically challenged about that, so it's only up from there! I'm not one of you puritanical Americans who only sleep with people for love—even though I do sleep with this one for love!
Michael Tolen is watching! Hi Michael! Michael was a Columbus friend of mine, a fellow resident of the Oldtown East neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio. A really cute, diverse, eclectic neighborhood just east of I-71 between Broad Street and Main Street. It had AWOL, Arcade Super Awesome, Yellow Brick Pizza, and Angry Baker.
Matt:
Got to look into the rear view mirror.
Mike:
I don't have a rear view mirror, I have side view mirrors! Do they have trucks with backup cameras on the trailer?
Matt:
I'm sure they do, but that would be really expensive. You could just put a camera on top of your truck looking down over the trailer, then you don't have to worry about running lines along the trailer.
Mike:
See! You come up with problems, I come up with solutions! That's one of the many things I love about you, baby—you're smart!
Portland Brunch Recommendations
Mike:
Alan Draper says, "Hi boys!"
Matt:
Hi Alan!
Mike:
Alan, are you at Stag brunch? Alan says, "No, their brunch sucks." Thank you for that intel, Alan!
Matt:
Where would you suggest we go, Alan? Next time we're in town, we're getting together with you!
Mike:
We could go to Screen Door, that's definitely a good brunch place. Alan says, "Yes, let me take you." He's going to surprise us with his brunch spot!
Matt:
Alan mentions Henry's 12th Street Tavern and McMenamins.
Mike:
McMenamins is like the Cameron Mitchell of Portland!
Matt:
Alan asks, "What the fuck is a wooden dildo, lol?"
Mike:
Back in the 1850s, nuns used them both to discipline children and to pleasure themselves, to be closer to God!
Matt:
Alan raised the concern that they have splinters! That's why you make sure to sand it, polish it, and lube it!
Mike:
Alan asks, "Do we like chicken and waffles?" I've actually never had chicken and waffles before! Is it that savory and sweet combo, kind of like a McGriddle?
Matt:
I don't like the McGriddle, it's gross and salty. Alan says there is a great southern place that has good brunch on Woodstock.
Mike:
Alan says McDonald's is nasty, but at least they're consistent! That's one thing I love about Portland — the foodie culture and happy hours.
Matt:
We're coming up to some fields here. I think these are almond trees.
Mike:
Angela Price is watching! Hey Angela! We love Angela!
Matt:
Matthew Chess is watching!
Mike:
Hi Matthew! Matthew says "Yo." Matthew was just at Trauma in Columbus—a big Halloween BDSM party at The Bluestone. Matthew says he and Rian dressed as "Daddy Boy fetish cub scout and scoutmaster." Nice!
Matt:
Well, I think we have exhausted everything to possibly talk about for now.
Mike:
Coming at you live from Northern California, this is once again Mike George and Matthew! Bye everybody!
